How to Express Genuine Care

We have all heard of organizations, but hopefully, not experienced them firsthand, that have beautiful and eloquent words written on a wall about fostering an environment of care and compassion.  Too often, however, the truth is hiding behind the wall, hoping not to be exposed.  If you really want to live those words, showing genuine care for your employees goes beyond mere benefits and salary. It’s about fostering a positive work environment where employees feel valued, supported, and inspired. Here are some effective ways to demonstrate that you genuinely care about your team members:

  1. Open and Transparent Communication

Communication forms the backbone of any healthy work relationship. Ensure that communication channels are open, transparent, and accessible to all employees. Encourage feedback and actively listen to their concerns and ideas. This not only shows that their opinions matter but also builds trust and a sense of belonging. Be willing to collect this feedback anonymously Home | Great Place To Work® until you have built a culture of trust.

  1. Recognize and Reward Achievements

Acknowledging the hard work and achievements of your employees is crucial. Recognition (thrivesparrow.com)Publicly recognize their efforts through praise in team meetings, internal newsletters, or company-wide announcements. Personalized notes or thank-you emails can also go a long way in showing appreciation for their contributions. Recognize that different types of employees appreciate being recognized in different ways.

  1. Provide Growth Opportunities

Invest in your employees’ professional and career development by offering training, workshops, and opportunities for career advancement. When employees see that you are committed to their growth and success, they feel valued and are more likely to stay engaged.

  1. Flexibility and Work-Life Balance

Supporting work-life balance shows employees that you understand their personal needs and well-being. Offer flexible work hours, remote work options when feasible, and encourage them to take breaks and vacations. Respect their time outside of work, and they will appreciate the trust and support. We live in a 24/7 connected world and your employees need you to model the fortitude to disconnect. 4 simple ways to disconnect from digital world (overhere.eu)

  1. Create a Positive Work Environment

A positive workplace culture can significantly impact employee morale and satisfaction. Foster a collaborative and inclusive environment where everyone feels respected and supported. Organize team-building activities, celebrate milestones together, and promote a healthy work-life balance.

  1. Provide Competitive Benefits

While benefits are not the only factor, they do demonstrate your commitment to your employees’ welfare. Offer competitive health benefits, retirement plans, and perks that align with their needs and expectations. Workplace Benefit Trends By Generation In 2024 – Forbes AdvisorThis is the first time in history that we have had this many generations in the workplace at once and needs vary significantly.  Showing that you prioritize their well-being reinforces your care for their overall quality of life.

  1. Empathize and Support During Difficult Times

Life challenges can affect employees’ performance and well-being. Show empathy and provide support during difficult times such as illness, family emergencies, or personal crises. Flexible leave policies and compassionate support can make a significant difference in how employees perceive their value within the organization. No one who is struggling in the five areas of wellness: social, emotional, physical, financial or career well-being, can bring their best selves to work.

  1. Encourage Work-Life Integration

Help employees integrate their personal passions and interests with their work whenever possible. Work-Life Integration: What It Is And 5 Ways to Develop It (betterup.com)This can be through volunteer opportunities, supporting causes they care about, or allowing them to pursue projects aligned with their personal values within the company.

Conclusion

Showing employees that you genuinely care about them involves more than just words—it requires consistent actions that prioritize their well-being, growth, and happiness. By fostering a supportive and inclusive work environment, recognizing their contributions, and investing in their development, you can cultivate an inspired and loyal team that contributes to the overall success of your organization. Remember, when employees feel valued, respected, and cared for, they are more likely to be engaged, productive, and committed to their roles for the long term!

Navigating Motivational Anxiety: A Guide to Overcoming Challenges

Motivation is a powerful force that drives individuals to achieve their goals and aspirations. However, the journey towards success is often accompanied by a lesser-known companion – motivational anxiety. This unique form of anxiety can manifest when individuals feel overwhelmed or uncertain about their ability to meet their own expectations. In this article, we will explore the concept of motivational anxiety, its causes, and practical strategies to overcome its challenges.

Understanding Motivational Anxiety:

Motivational anxiety is a psychological state characterized by the fear or apprehension associated with pursuing one’s goals. Unlike general anxiety, which may stem from external stressors, motivational anxiety is often internal, arising from the pressure individuals place on themselves to succeed. This internal pressure can lead to a range of emotions, including self-doubt, fear of failure, and a sense of inadequacy.

Causes of Motivational Anxiety:

High Expectations: Setting excessively high expectations for oneself can create immense pressure and trigger motivational anxiety. The fear of not living up to these expectations can be paralyzing.

Comparisons to Others: Constantly comparing one’s progress to that of others can contribute to motivational anxiety. It is essential to recognize that everyone’s journey is unique, and comparisons may not accurately reflect personal growth.

Fear of Failure: The fear of failure is a common driver of motivational anxiety. Individuals may become so focused on avoiding failure that they struggle to take necessary risks and steps towards their goals.

Perfectionism: Striving for perfection in every aspect of life can lead to anxiety. Accepting that imperfections are a natural part of the learning process is crucial for overcoming motivational anxiety.

Strategies to Overcome Motivational Anxiety:

Set Realistic Goals: Break down larger goals into smaller, achievable tasks. Setting realistic goals helps manage expectations and reduces the likelihood of feeling overwhelmed.

Focus on the Process: Instead of fixating on the end result, shift your focus to the process of growth and learning. Embrace the journey, recognizing that challenges contribute to personal development.

Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness and understanding. Acknowledge that setbacks and mistakes are part of the learning process and an opportunity for growth.

Develop a Growth Mindset: Cultivate a growth mindset by viewing challenges as opportunities to learn and improve. Embrace the idea that abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.

Limit Social Comparisons: Minimize comparisons to others and focus on your individual progress. Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small, and appreciate the unique path you are on.

Seek Support: Share your goals and challenges with supportive friends, family, or mentors. Having a strong support system can provide encouragement and perspective during difficult times.

Motivational anxiety is a natural part of the journey toward success, but it doesn’t have to be a roadblock. By understanding its causes and implementing practical strategies, individuals can navigate motivational anxiety and continue progressing toward their goals. Remember, success is a process, and every step forward is a triumph in itself.

Generative AI in Human Resources

As we open the door on 2024, many of my colleagues and I will be focusing on how to best utilize the newer generative AI capabilities in our Human Resources functions. Generative artificial intelligence (AI)—data-trained technology that uses prompts to create content—has seen a massive uptick in adoption over the past year. The technology has advanced significantly within a short timeframe and, relatively speaking, it’s just getting started.

OpenAI’s research estimates that 80 percent of today’s workers could see their jobs impacted by generative AI. The natural concern, from the workforce is that impacted will mean, taken over by, but, in most cases, that is far from the truth. Companies should determine how to use generative AI with intention, in a productive, safe, and human-first way. Some of the most compelling ideas are below:

  1. Resume Screening and Candidate Matching:
    • Use generative AI to analyze resumes and match candidates to job descriptions based on skills, experience, and keywords.
    • Improve the efficiency of the initial screening process by automating the identification of suitable candidates.
  2. Automated Interview Scheduling:
    • Implement chatbots powered by generative AI to facilitate interview scheduling.
    • Allow candidates to interact with chatbots to find suitable interview slots, answer frequently asked questions, and receive information about the recruitment process.
  3. Employee Onboarding and Training:
    • Develop AI-driven chatbots or virtual assistants to guide new employees through the onboarding process.
    • Provide automated training modules and resources tailored to individual employee needs.
  4. Employee Assistance and Support:
    • Use AI-powered chatbots to answer employee queries regarding HR policies, benefits, and general information.
    • Enhance employee experience by providing quick and accurate responses to common HR-related inquiries.
  5. Performance Management and Feedback:
    • Implement AI tools to assist in performance evaluations by analyzing employee performance data.
    • Provide real-time feedback suggestions for managers based on language models, helping to improve the quality and consistency of feedback.
  6. Employee Engagement Surveys and Sentiment Analysis:
    • Leverage AI to analyze employee feedback from surveys and other sources.
    • Identify trends, sentiments, and areas of concern to proactively address employee engagement and satisfaction issues.
  7. Skills Assessment and Development:
    • Use generative AI to assess employee skills and identify areas for development.
    • Provide personalized learning recommendations and training programs based on individual employee strengths and weaknesses.
  8. Policy Compliance and Legal Support:
    • Implement AI tools to ensure HR policies and procedures align with legal requirements.
    • Provide legal support by analyzing contracts, identifying potential risks, and offering suggestions for compliance.
  9. Predictive Analytics for Employee Retention:
    • Utilize generative AI to analyze historical data and predict employee turnover.
    • Identify factors contributing to attrition and develop strategies for employee retention.
  10. Internal Communication Enhancement:
    • Develop AI-driven tools to enhance internal communication within the organization.
    • Generate automated newsletters, announcements, or other communication materials to keep employees informed and engaged.

It’s essential to approach the integration of generative AI in HR with careful consideration of ethical and privacy considerations. Additionally, ongoing monitoring and human oversight are crucial to ensure the responsible and fair use of AI technologies in the workplace.  Done correctly, that is much to be gained!

Generational Perspectives on Employment: A Contrast between Baby Boomers and Millennials

The world of employment has evolved significantly over the years, with different generations experiencing and interpreting work in distinct ways. Baby boomers and millennials, What Generation Am I? A Guide to Generations by Year (parents.com)separated by several decades, have grown up in contrasting socio-economic, technological, and cultural landscapes. These factors have played a role in shaping their perspectives on employment. In this article, we will delve into the divergent viewpoints of baby boomers and millennials regarding work, examining their values, priorities, and approaches to careers.

Work-Life Balance

Baby Boomers:

For many baby boomers, work was often seen as a means to provide for their families and secure a stable future. Many were part of the traditional 9-to-5 work culture, where long hours at the office were considered necessary for career advancement. The concept of “putting in the time” was deeply ingrained, often at the expense of personal and family life.

Millennials:

Millennials, on the other hand, tend to prioritize work-life balance. Work Life Balance | Mental Health America (mhanational.org)They witnessed their parents’ dedication to their jobs and the toll it took on family life. As a result, millennials often seek flexible work arrangements that allow them to balance their careers with personal interests and family time. Remote work and freelance opportunities are particularly attractive to this generation, enabling them to integrate work into their lives, rather than the other way around.

Career Loyalty

Baby Boomers:

Loyalty to one’s employer was a hallmark of the baby boomer generation. Many individuals spent the majority of their careers at a single company, viewing job stability and benefits as vital components of their employment. Climbing the corporate ladder and staying with the same company until retirement were common aspirations.

Millennials:

Millennials tend to value personal growth and skill development over long-term loyalty to a single employer. They are more willing to change jobs and even switch careers in pursuit of new challenges and opportunities. This fluid approach to employment can be attributed, in part, to the economic instability witnessed during their formative years and the rise of the gig economy, What is the gig economy and what’s the deal for gig workers? | World Economic Forum (weforum.org) which has normalized job hopping and freelancing.

Purpose and Fulfillment

Baby Boomers:

While many baby boomers found purpose and fulfillment in their work, these aspects were often secondary to the financial stability that employment provided. Career choices were frequently influenced by practical considerations rather than a quest for personal passion.

 

Millennials:

Millennials seek meaning and purpose in their careers. They are more likely to prioritize jobs that align with their values, allowing them to make a positive impact on society and the environment. This generation places a premium on job satisfaction and is willing to make career decisions that reflect their personal beliefs and goals, even if it means sacrificing higher-paying opportunities.

Technology and Adaptability

Baby Boomers:

Baby boomers adapted to technology as it emerged, but their careers were not as intertwined with digital tools and platforms as those of millennials. They often had to learn new technologies later in their careers, and some may have viewed technology as a disruptor rather than an enabler.

Millennials:

Having grown up in the digital age, The Digital Age: The Era We All Are Living In – DZone millennials are comfortable with technology and its rapid evolution. They readily embrace new tools and platforms, which has contributed to the rise of remote work, digital nomadism, and the gig economy. This adaptability allows them to navigate an ever-changing job market with relative ease.

In conclusion, the differing perspectives of baby boomers and millennials on employment reflect the evolving nature of work and societal values. While baby boomers often prioritized stability and financial security, millennials place greater emphasis on work-life balance, purpose-driven careers, and adaptability. Understanding these generational differences Generational Differences in the Workplace [Infographic] (purdueglobal.edu) is crucial for employers, policymakers, and individuals seeking to thrive in the modern world of work, fostering collaboration and harnessing the strengths of each generation.

Internal Employee Communications

sherrie-suski-officeDeveloping a comprehensive and intentional internal employee communications strategy and a plan to execute on that strategy is critical to the success of your business, no matter the size. The best internal communication strategies do more than simply manage and distribute information. They can foster an engaging environment and cultivate relationships that are built on trust. That trust, in turn, creates a strong company culture whereby your employees know you trust them to deliver and they trust you to have their best interest at heart.

An internal communications plan is a clear guide for consistently communicating with employees, so they feel informed about goals for your organization or a specific initiative. This ensures they take action and do their part in achieving those goals. It should clearly and specifically define what internal communications strategies are important to focus on, how, when, who’s implementing them, and how you’ll measure them to demonstrate value and impact.

An internal communications plan should facilitate important conversations and engagement with key leaders and partners about internal communication strategies that can best deliver on key business needs and opportunities throughout the company.  It should also focus keenly on behavioral change that you expect will result as an outcome of this communication.  Communication just for the sake of communication is nothing but noise in an already noisy world.  You must understand and help your audience to understand what the call to action is and be prepared to measure whether or not you have achieved your goals.

If you are not yet fully convinced that you need an internal employee communication plan, read on!

Your employees are your most dedicated brand advocates.

According to Gallup, less than 30% of employees believe in the brand they work for!

This is very concerning, considering employees are the ones charged with delivering on the promises a brand makes to its customers. So start to think of internal communications as a marketing/branding exercise.

And Forbes agrees, you need to approach your internal marketing the same way you would external marketing efforts—by knowing your audience, your goals, tailoring the message, and providing an exceptional experience. This will require involvement from a cross-functional team.

Internal communication builds employee engagement, culture, and trust.

Internal communication is a key driver for employee engagement. The vehicle for all employee engagement initiatives is communication, core values, and a commonly held purpose statement or why. When employees feel like they are communicated with, engagement and trust will flow, resulting in a strong corporate culture.

If you fail to plan, then you plan to fail

If your ideas for internal communication revolve around upcoming events and random requests, then you don’t have a strategy. You likely are reinventing the wheel each time and are confusing your internal customers. Internal communications need to be woven into the larger company strategy, with a funded and well understood plan for execution.

Diversity & Inclusion

sherrie-suski-diversityMuch is being written about diversity and inclusion these days.  Recent events have spurred companies toward developing full blown D&I programs.  However, most are simply focusing on the metrics of what a diverse population looks like.  What percentages of minorities do we have, how many are in management positions, how many females do we have in management positions? While that may indeed tick the box on diversity, it does very little to ensure inclusion.  Inclusion is a little harder to measure. 

Where diversity is about variety, inclusion is about having a solid foundation for supporting employees and their different needs. Inclusion requires a culture where employees feel welcome, respected, and empowered to grow. Even the most diverse companies can’t be successful without inclusion. 

Many employees still feel that they don’t belong, and dozens of companies have made recent headlines for diversity and inclusion-related crises. In these workplaces, many female employees don’t feel respected (or sometimes even safe), minorities can be painfully underrepresented, people with disabilities often don’t have the resources they need to succeed, and so on.

No company wants to have a culture where not every employee feels like they are valued and can thrive, but it’s hard to address problems when you don’t know they exist. Without a way to measure inclusion, executives and HR teams have to rely on their own subjective perceptions of the culture at their organization—with varied levels of accuracy.

But inclusion isn’t totally unquantifiable. If you want to know whether your employees’ experience aligns with your company’s ideals—at scale—you can just ask.

In July of 2018, SurveyMonkey partnered with Paradigm,  a consulting firm that specializes in diversity and inclusion. Together, they created a survey template designed to investigate the many different layers of inclusion in the workplace. They used the template to survey 843 working Americans, and the results were telling:

  • 44% of employees didn’t feel that they could express a contrary opinion at work without fearing negative consequences. 
  • 32% did not feel that their opinion was valued
  • 60% of employees say their compensation is fair relative to others at their company. But only 48% of Black workers agree with this statement.
  • In every single case, the percentages were lower for people from the underrepresented communities that we checked for (women, Black, and Latinx.)

The importance of inclusion is easy to understand, but the layers of company culture that make up “inclusion” aren’t. Unlike diversity, inclusion is heavily rooted in employees’ individual experiences—which aren’t easy to monitor or quantify. And perception of culture can differ dramatically from person to person.  That is why it is so important to carefully craft a survey and ask each of your employees how they feel to be able to truly understand whether you have an inclusive culture.

Human Capital Management (HCM) Platforms

sherrie-suski-hcmHuman Capital Management System (HCM) is a one-stop solution to manage HR needs, to streamline processes, to provide visibility into the global workforce, and to provide a user experience that’s accessible from anywhere. So we can keep your people engaged while helping them adapt and grow. It covers the whole employee lifecycle: onboarding, recruiting, learning, compensation, payroll, benefits, time off, analytics, planning, etc.

How can an HCM benefit your organization?

There are a number of variables and considerations when selecting a new Human Capital Management (HCM) Platform.

  • What is the size of the company?
  • What are the platforms other functions are using?
  • Does your company plan to grow?
  • Are you global or domestic?
  • Do you have field teams that require mobile capability?
  • Do you need customized reporting capability or is standard reporting sufficient?
  • Are you looking to integrate payroll?
  • Which modules will you need?
    • Learning Management System
    • Applicant Tracking System
    • Performance Management
    • Compensation
    • Does it offer machine learning capability?
    • Do you require a cloud based solution?

The majority of providers today have cloud based solutions.  A cloud based solution refers to on-demand services, computer networks, storage, applications or resources accessed via the internet and through another provider’s shared cloud computing infrastructure. One of the key benefits of cloud-based software is the flexibility it offers. Cloud doesn’t tie you or your business into a single location. You will be able to do business from all over the world. This kind of flexibility can also help with employee satisfaction and productivity.

Selecting the right HCM for your business now and in the future provides a one stop shop for you and your employees to be able to access all information in one place.  Designed correctly, HCM’s save a tremendous amount of time and manual manipulation.  Value propositions include:

  • A single platform to manage and develop a diverse workforce with transaction history and operational metrics in a single system providing real-time global visibility.
  • Organizational flexibility and agility to adapt to change (M&A activity and shifting business models).
  • Operational efficiencies, freeing up more time for employee services and strategic HR initiatives.
  • Consumer grade, modern mobile experience for managers and employees.

Choose wisely as HCM subscription and implementation fees are not inexpensive and the time devoted to bringing one up is significant.    

Continuous Feedback

sherrie-suski-reviewAn increased number of organizations are moving away from the annual review process to a feedback process that incorporates more frequent or real-time feedback. How frequent the review process depends on the scale, culture, and needs of the organization.  Although the process sounds simple enough, there are a number of considerations to be debated prior to implementing this type of change, from systems and platform changes to training associated with the new process.

Quarterly Feedback

Some companies choose to take an interim step between annual reviews and real-time feedback.  Enter the quarterly review. Quarterly reviews can be as simple as creating a comment box where each of the managers composes a brief summary of accomplishments for the preceding quarter or as complex as an annual review process, with ratings against core competencies, and comments for each conducted quarterly instead of annually.  Whether simple or complex, this process alleviates the employees’ common concerns around being surprised at the end of the year with feedback that they had never heard.

Real-time Feedback

The end goal in giving real-time feedback is to be able to provide continuous feedback to the employee so they can course correct in real time.  Normally this will be a two-way street where the manager can give feedback and the employee can ask for feedback on a specific project.  Many real-time systems will also provide an avenue to create Individual Development Plans ( IDP’s) in conjunction with the feedback to address any skill gaps that are identified so that training needs can be identified and a plan built to address

360 Feedback

Moving to 360 feedback, which entails feedback coming from the employee’s manager; peers; and subordinates, and is the most comprehensive of the feedback systems.  360 reviews should never be introduced without a training plan that encompasses all levels of the organization. Employees need to be coached on how to solicit feedback, how to give appropriate feedback and how to handle the feedback once it is received.  Criticism that is not truly constructive and offered with a pure heart, is almost never internalized.

Compensation

Organizations are frequently perplexed when it comes to implementing compensation reviews without an annual rating process that drives a matrix to calculate the percentage increase earned. After all, pay is one of the primary reasons employees show up to work each day. If you’re fundamentally redesigning how you determine their pay, then you need a clear plan that’s clearly communicated.  Many organizations have moved to a simplified approach where each manager is given autonomy to make pay decisions. Each manager is allocated a budget and is responsible for determining the pay/bonus of direct reports.

Ultimately, whichever review process and compensation model you choose to implement, your people leaders need to be trained to take an increasingly more active role in the management of their teams.  They need to understand that managing their people to be the best they can be is fundamentally what leadership is all about!

Measuring the Employee Experience

There are many tools on the market that purport to accurately measure the customer experience.  They focus on such topics as action management, customer segmentation, feedback management, sentiment analysis and trend analysis, just to name a few.  Then there are whole CRM systems whose goal it is to manage a company’s interaction with current and future customers. The CRM approach tries to analyze data about customers’ history with a company, in order to better improve business relationships with customers, specifically focusing on retaining customers, in order to drive sales growth.  If we want to understand the employee experience, we have to pursue it with the same gusto and metrics that we do our customer experiences. In general, great experiences don’t just happen, they have to be consciously designed.

We need to start with the belief that a strong correlation exists between the quality of the employee experience and work productivity, which ultimately drives engagement and, hopefully, the delivery of more value to your end customer.  However, there are challenges around measuring workforce experience because no single person, department or function owns the whole experience. Organizations use many tools to understand the experiences, positive or negative, their employees are having — pulse surveys like Waggl, annual employee surveys, quarterly or annual performance reviews incorporating self-reviews, weekly management meetings, talent and succession planning, town hall meetings and so on. The issue is that these tools and the feedback received from them can offer a fragmented and often misleading view of how good the employee experience is.

Forrester has a Workforce Experience Model that is worth reviewing.  It is built around Engagement, Productivity and Impact.  The only issue I would take with their assumptions is that I believe productivity actually drives engagement and not the other way around.  

Productivity

Being able to measure productivity assumes that you have done studies to understand what acceptable levels of productivity are by function.  It isn’t the measuring piece that is difficult, it is understanding and creating the “what” to measure and the scale that makes it challenging

Engagement

An engaged workforce willingly invests time and energy in the success of the business and the degree of engagement will impact business results. Everyone has discretionary engagement that they may choose to deploy at their job or elsewhere. Your mission is to ensure that it is deployed at the job to the benefit of the customers.  To my point, Daniel Pink’s secret to high performance and satisfaction  – the deeply human need to direct our own lives (autonomy), the desire to get better at something that matters (mastery) and the yearning to do what we do in the service of something larger than ourselves (purpose).

Impact

The positive business outcome of productive, engaged employees is a loyal customer. Customer-facing employees, customer service, for example, have the greatest potential direct impact on the customer experience and satisfaction. What about those employees that don’t usually engage with customers directly, like Accounting, Finance or HR, where the potential for positive impact on customer experience is harder to quantify? They know how the processes really work in your organization and may be the best ones to identify and rectify problems for customers quickly.

The conventional eNPS  (Employee Net Promoter Score)  is a standardized tool that you could benchmark your organization against year over year and,  benchmark your ratings against other companies of your size or in your industry. The issue is that it is one question and for most of us, does not really provide value when wanting to delve into the specifics.  There are also multiple surveys you can conduct through Fortune, OC Register or other organizations, but they are quite expensive and questions can be tailored so they do not provide an apples to apples comparison across organizations.  Eventually, it would be great to have an industry accepted employee engagement scale that could be used to drive the employee experience and, ultimately the customer experience.

Defensiveness

sherrie-suski-defensivenessDefensiveness is defined as the quality of being anxious to avoid criticism and/or the behavior intended to defend or protect.  Some have even defined it as reacting with a war mentality to a non-war issue. While none of us relishes criticism, it is a necessary part of growth.  To be able to see ourselves as others see us is a gift that allows us to leave old habits behind and adopt new, healthier ways of having relationships with others.  

An Open Heart

Changing defensive behavior stars with being able to listen with an open heart to what is being said.  Assume the person has your best interests in mind and is sharing something that you need to hear. Try and clear you mind so that you are truly listening and not rehearsing your next defensive statement in your mind while they are speaking.

Express Your Feelings

Being able to openly express your feelings is requisite to becoming less defensive.  Letting people know in a calm manner when they have upset you is not being defensive.  Lashing out with an inflammatory statement is. 

Building Trust

Working through conflict builds trust in any relationship.  It assures both partners that they can trust each other; they can be honest and acknowledge that any relationship is a work in progress, not fixed or defined on just one person’s terms or one moment in time.

Toxic Comments

Bottom line: if we don’t learn how to deal with our grievances head on, inevitably we deal with them indirectly, most often in more toxic forms: by teasing or making snide comments, holding grudges, or by growing more indifferent over time. 

Of course, it’s difficult to give and receive healthy criticism if we’re clinging to a defensive attitude. If you feel yourself become defensive, try to see if you can simply acknowledge it, and work through the conflict as honestly and generously as possible.

Self- esteem

Temperament, history, and, most importantly self-esteem can impact how we respond to criticism.  Some people have so much negative self talk occurring in their heads that they feel they just can’t accept any more from someone else.  Realizing that just because someone is criticizing one issue, does not mean you are a bad person overall is key to building better relationships

People who are more prone to defensiveness may perceive an attack in certain situations in which people with resilient and calm temperaments would perceive none. Experiment with viewing the situation from different vantage points.

Overall, defensiveness in life will hold you back from building better relationships and from growing as an individual